She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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