is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
