Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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