Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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