so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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