you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
