Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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