the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
