I'm jealous of your bromance
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
