Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
