Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
