I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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