i think my mom watched the whole time
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
