I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
