Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
