if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
