As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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