That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
