Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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