i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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