Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
