I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
