i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
