But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
