just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
