THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
