I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
