wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
