Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
