everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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