God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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