Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
