Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
