If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
