well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
