hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
