Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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