i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I looked at my own cervix.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
