I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that's an acceptable place to lick
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
