ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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