Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
