I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
