I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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