We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
