hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
