hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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