just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
