He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
