she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
