If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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