I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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